


Remember Me

by SpeccysCat (LazuliAlekto)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Annulment, Atlas has her own agenda, Bottom Keith, Bottom Shiro, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fix It, Friends to Lovers, Gay Disaster Shiro (Voltron), M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mutual Pining, Not Epilogue Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rimming, Top Keith, Top Shiro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-09 07:17:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17402465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazuliAlekto/pseuds/SpeccysCat
Summary: The moment Shiro kissed his new husband at the altar, his brain snapped.Or rather, everything came back into focus for the first time since…since…He’s not entirely sure.Everything went quiet around him, the constant noise in his head that had been screaming at him silent as his life, his memories tumbled into place.He looked down at Curtis, molten silver eyes wide in shock and horror at what he’d just done.He swivelled his head, searching.“No, no, no.”It’s his own voice he distantly realised, panicked, mortified.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> just a quick word, in this both Shiro and Keith switch, I know there are some out there who find Shiro bottoming not to their taste, but it's to mine, so...don't read if you don't like it, because it will be happening.

 

  The moment Shiro kissed his new husband at the altar, his brain snapped.

  Or rather, everything came back into focus for the first time since…since…

  He’s not entirely sure.

  Everything went quiet around him, the constant noise in his head that had been screaming at him silent as his life, his memories tumbled into place.

  He looked down at Curtis, molten silver eyes wide in shock and horror at what he’d just done.

  He swivelled his head, searching.

  “No, no, no.”

  It’s his own voice he distantly realised, panicked, mortified.

  Other voices raised in question and their own rising panic as Shiro stumbled back from Curtis.  A man he doesn’t even really know, a man somehow, inexplicably he’d agreed to _marry _,__  of all fucking things.  A man looking at him in confusion, then hurt as Shiro stepped further back, hands raised up, forming a barrier between them.

  Who is this man?  Why would he marry him?  He’s not…not…

  Fuck.

  What the fuck is going on?

  Shiro stumbled off the dais, ripping off his wedding ring and flinging it behind him as he fled through the crowd of people assembled.   _Wrong, wrong, WRONG_  clamouring in his head.

  This is all wrong.

  “Takashi!”

  Curtis, calling out to him, running toward him.

  “No, no, who _are_  you?  Leave me alone!  Don’t…”

  Curtis gaped at him, hand raised to his mouth, ring glinting in the last rays of the sun as it dipped below the horizon, tears forming in his eyes.  He stepped forward again, other hand reaching for Shiro.

  “No, don’t…” Shiro begged, taking another step back as Curtis stepped forward.

  “Takashi, what’s…what’s wrong?”

  “Don’t call me that!” Shiro shouted, his brain pounding in his skull.  He gripped at his hair, confused by the length of it.

  Everything is WRONG.

  Shiro searched, seeking something, anything familiar, his eyes falling on the approaching figures of his Paladins.  First Pidge, then Lance, Hunk, Coran with wide eyes.  Then Keith stepped around them, filling Shiro’s view.

  “Shiro?” Keith murmured, skirting around Curtis who stood rooted to the spot.

  “Keith.   _Keith!”_  Shiro sunk to his knees as Keith reached him, kneeling down on the grass beside him, wrapping his arms around Shiro’s shoulders, hiding him from everyone else.  Including a husband he doesn’t know.  He trembled in Keith’s arms, so desperately confused, tucking his face into Keith’s neck, sucking in harsh breaths.

  “Hey, shh, breathe with me,” Keith said softly, rubbing his back.  “In, one, two, three, out, one, two, three.”

  Something about it feels familiar, something that he’s forgotten.

  He can hear the low rumble of voices, Pidge, Hunk, Lance, questioning what’s going on.

  “Takashi?”

  Shiro snapped his head up, glaring at the man who is _still_ calling him by that name.

  “Don’t call me that!”  His voice was a threatening growl, fists clenching at Keith’s jacket like a life line.

  Keith’s arms tightened around him, the feel of his hair soft against Shiro’s cheek as he turned his head.

  “Coran, please, can you take him out of here?”

  Coran blinked once, then grabbed hold of Curtis by the arm and dragged him away, whispering quietly in his ear.

  The moment he was out of sight, Shiro slumped against Keith.

  “Shiro?  Hey, buddy, what’s going on?” Lance asked, leaning down to place a timid hand on his shoulder.

  “I…I…I don’t know,” Shiro answered, shaking his head against Keith’s solid shoulder.  “Everything’s wrong…why…who…fuck,” he wailed, clinging to Keith.

  Keith tipped his head up so their eyes can meet, concern in his purple tinted eyes, “Shiro, shhh, we’ll figure this out, alright.”

  Hunk and Pidge stand to the side, whispering furiously together, but Shiro still made out the words ‘psychotic break.’

  Shiro’s vision swam, head pounding, blood rushing through his veins.

  Keith called his name as Shiro passes out.

  

   _“You found me.”_

_“His levels are getting dangerously low.”_

_“Fight!  I won’t give up on you.”_

_“I’m afraid the clone body is rejecting Shiro’s consciousness.”_

_“There must be some way you can help!”_

_“There’s nothing I can do.”_

_A fist banging against glass_

_“Shiro, please.  Fight.  You can’t do this to me again.”_

_“Shiro.”_

_“Keith..?  I was dreaming.  Keith…You saved me.”_

_“We saved each other.”_

Images flooded through, overwhelming and increasing in speed until they were flashing for milliseconds.

  Shiro shot up off the…bed?  Yes, he was laying on a bed.  Blinking, the room was dim, but he can still see.  It’s a small room, clinical, but…someone has tried to make it less so.  A couch in the corner, a coffee table, cushions, but Shiro recognises it for what it is.

  A hospital room.

  A steady beep draws his attention, then he spots the drip inserted in his arm.

  The door opens before he can panic or assess what’s happening, Keith was striding in.

  Shiro couldn’t help the smile that tugs at his mouth.

  “Keith!”

  Then he saw his other arm.

  What the fuck?

  Keith sees him frowning at it, flexing his metallic fingers, shaking his head, the beep of the monitor increasing in pace as his heart starts to race.  He snapped his head up to Keith, panicking.

  “Shiro, it’s alright, breathe, remember.”

  Right, yes, breathe.

  When the beeping slows to a more normal rate, Keith sits on the edge of his bed.

  Waiting.

  “I’m…I’m a bit confused,” he says eventually, breaking the silence.

  “Yeah, I think you are,” Keith admitted with a wry grimace.  He glanced at Shiro, “what do you remember, what’s the last memory?”

  “Umm,” Shiro hummed, thinking hard.  “The…void…in Black…I think.  At least that’s the last clear thing.  There’s other stuff, but it’s all…hazy, muddled.”  He concentrated, “I think…I was in the pod, Allura put me in…”  He flicked his gaze up to Keith, “this is a clone body…oh fuck, the facility.”

  “Shit,” Keith hissed, averting his eyes.  When he looked back to Shiro, he seems upset, sad.  “Ok, a lot has happened since then, you’ve been with us all, but…obviously you don’t remember that.”

  Shiro shook his head, “no…maybe…fuck, I don’t know Keith, there are…flashes of things…”  His eyes widened.  “Allura…she…no, no, please tell me she’s not…dead.”

  “Oh fuck, Shiro, I’m so sorry you have to go through all this again,” Keith shifted on the bed, gripping both his hands, murmuring softly.

  “Honerva…I…it’s like everything else is kind of…fuzzy, but I can see that moment clearly…”  He worried his lip between his teeth.  “What’s wrong with me?”

  Keith sighs, grimacing.  “There’s a few theories.  The doctors think it’s some sort of break down, that it’s wiped your memory of the last two years or so.”  

  Shiro frowned at that, “Earth is safe though, right?”

  “Yeah, it is.”  Shiro slumped against the pillows of his bed.  “Pidge has a different theory, but I don’t think you’re gonna like it.”

  “Tell me,” he demanded.  “I need to know, Pidge is smart, she’s probably right.”

  Keith winced, “well, it might explain some stuff.  Ok, I’ll tell you, all of it, the docs thought it might help jog your memory anyway.”

  Shiro sat up, crossing his legs, Keith blinking at him when he motioned for Keith to get up on the bed too.  Shiro tilted his head, almost on the verge of asking what was wrong when Keith inhaled and joined him.

  “Some of this might be…fuck, where do I even begin?”  Shiro just waited, letting Keith tell it his way.  “Ok, well, I guess I will start from the last thing that’s clear to you, yeah?”

  “Ok,” Shiro agrees, nodding as he took hold of Keith’s hands again.

  “Oh man, some of this is gonna be hard to say with you like this.”

  “Why?”

  Keith sucked in a harsh breath, “coz after Allura put your soul in the clone’s body…you…changed.  It was slow, but this last year particularly it was obvious.”

  “Changed how?” Shiro asked, his stomach curdling.  He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like what Keith has to say.

  “Ok, but first, we got you back in your body, or the clone’s body, and you seemed ok, like yourself, a bit quiet, but we all thought that was to be expected after what you’d been through.  We headed back here to Earth and Sendak had invaded, but we managed to defeat him.  Then there was an Altean Robeast, it was piloted by an Altean, one that Honerva had convinced to join her.  So we spent about a year getting ready and then you captained Atlas while the rest of us were in the Lions.  Shit, do you know what Atlas is?”  Shiro winced, slowly shaking his head, then after a moment his eyes lit up, he could picture the massive sentient ship.  He nodded with a grin and Keith relaxed a little.  “I think that’s when I noticed something was off.  Whenever we spoke on the Comms it was…you didn’t call any of us by name, you sounded…distant.”

  “Even with you?” Shiro asked quietly.

  “Yes,” Keith whispered.  His purple eyes were so sad Shiro wanted to pull him into a hug, but settled on gripping his hands tighter.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s…well, it’s not ok, but if Pidge is right, I get what was going on.”  He paused for a moment.  “I got captured by Zethrid, she was pissed about Ezor and she was going to kill me, and you were there, but you…you didn’t do anything, you just stood there.”

  “What?  No, I wouldn’t do that, never, Keith,” Shiro almost shouted.  “I would never let someone do that to you…”

  Keith held up his hand, his expression mournful, “Shiro, please, I think you need to hear it all.”

  That didn’t sound good.

  “Fine, but you need to know you’re my favourite person in the whole universe, Keith, whatever is going on, that wasn’t me, somehow…”

  Keith launched forward, wrapping his arms around Shiro, sniffling.  “This is the Shiro I know.”  Shiro held him tightly, resting his head against Keith’s until he was ready to continue.  When Keith pulled back, his eyes were red, and Shiro can’t help but stroke his cheek.  Keith gave him a wobbly smile, leaning into the touch.  “So, you remember when Allura…left?”

  Shiro nodded, tearing up, “I…yes, that’s something that stands out.”

  Keith hummed, “yeah, I'm beginning to think Pidge is right.  Ok, so we defeated Honerva and saved all realities because of what Allura did.  Then we…came back here and that’s when you got…really distant.  And started dating Curtis.”

  Shiro winced, “I don’t know him…and it makes no sense…”

  “He was part of the Atlas crew, a communications officer I think,” Keith prompted.

  Shiro frowned, “ok, yeah, maybe I know who you mean.”  He bit his lip again, “but it still doesn’t…I…I wouldn’t date him, I just wouldn’t.”

  “Yeah, well, it took all of us by surprise too, trust me on that,” Keith grumbled, dipping his head down so Shiro couldn’t see his face.  “You retired Shiro and then announced you were marrying him after only six months.”

  Shiro’s eyes went wide, his mouth dropped open, “seriously?”

  Keith laughed, a bitter sound, “yeah.”

  Shiro was at turns furious and even more confused than ever.  “Something is very wrong with that.  Did you try to talk me out of it?”

  Keith looked up sharply, “I would have, had we been speaking, but you’d put a wall up and wouldn’t talk to me unless it was op based, the same with the others too.”

  “Fuck,” Shiro hissed.  “Right, what’s Pidge’s theory on all of this coz none of that sounds like me at all.”

  “She thinks it has to do with the Clone’s consciousness.  That when you were put into the body and your minds…melded, combined, that maybe the Clone took over.”

  Shiro went silent and still, mulling that over.

  “That…that sort of makes sense.  When I was in Black, I could sometimes see what was happening, and when…when Allura…left, I can see that, like how I did in Black, but everything else is…hazy.”

  Keith nodded, “when I severed the connection to Honerva,” he said softly, gesturing to Shiro’s arm, “the clone’s body was dying and Allura put you in, well, Pidge thinks that without the link to Honerva and without her control, the clone went…rogue.  Still sort of acting like you but without the emotional connection to…everyone.  Like he still had your sense of duty and that stuff, so he captained Atlas, helped save Earth, but he had no need to maintain an emotional bond.  And like you said about being in Black, _you_  were stronger then.  When we all said our goodbyes to Allura, it was like you were back.”

  “I think Pidge has it right,” Shiro said quietly.

  “But what I’m confused about is what brought you back this time, what shoved the Clone out of your head.”

  Shiro was pretty sure he knew why, but instead of telling Keith he remained silent.

  He has an annulment to organise and friendships to repair, and a Clone’s consciousness to come to grips with before he explains that.

 

  Pidge _is_  right.

  Dissociative Identity Disorder the doctors call it because they can’t understand the concept of Shiro’s soul residing in a clone body that also retains a consciousness and memories before Shiro took over, or tried to take over and was subsequently shoved aside.

  Pidge got frustrated as she tried time and time again to explain and in the end threw her hands up in frustration.

  The doctors talk about treatment, but Shiro knows that they can’t help with this.

  Keith contacts Lance and Coran on New Altea (something else he’s had to catch Shiro up on, amongst a plethora of other things) and enlists the help of several Alteans and then some Olkari.

  So Shiro leaves the Garrison hospital for New Altea.

  He can’t say he’s unhappy to be going.

  Curtis had been trying to see him despite everyone telling him Shiro doesn’t want to see him.  He’d had to be told in no uncertain terms that Shiro doesn’t know him, only as a crew member that Shiro hardly recalls.  

  Shiro had heard the soft rumble of Keith’s voice, Curtis raising his own in hysterics and then Keith forcibly removing him when he refused to leave.

  All Shiro felt was relief.

  He would talk to Curtis eventually.  Just not yet.

  It struck him that he’s possibly being cruel, actually it _is_  cruel, but the man Curtis married wasn’t him.  He has no concept of who Shiro really is, and from the way the Clone had been acting, he really has no idea about anything to do with Shiro.

  Shiro wouldn’t marry someone after such a short time, he would never have even dated Curtis.  He didn’t love Curtis, didn’t even know the guy’s last name, now that he thinks about it.  Shiro is the type of man that likes to take his time in a relationship, something that had annoyed the shit out of Adam until he understood why.

  Shiro doesn’t give his heart away on a whim.

  Back then, it had more to do with his degenerative muscle disease and not wanting to spend the time he had with someone who wasn’t worth his dwindling lifespan.

  The Shiro of now, without that threat hanging over his head, wanted to indulge and enjoy the learning that comes from a new partner, the discovery, the delight at uncovering a new aspect of someone.

  That, and his heart already belongs to someone and has for a long time.

  He’d intended to tell Keith when they met in Black’s consciousness, but when Allura put him in the Clone’s body obviously he’d been too weak to wrest control and the Clone had fucked things up royally.

  Right now he’s just grateful that Keith still wanted to be around him and help him out in the situations he’s found himself in.  Like he always has.  And apparently always will.  That thought makes warmth bloom in his chest and all the tension bleeds away every time Keith is near.  Something the doctors noticed.  Hence, Keith was the one who sat with him while they droned on and on.  It makes Shiro more determined to keep control of his mind and body, sort everything else out and then finally tell Keith how he feels.

  At first all his friends, the ones he truly knows and remembers, were a little guarded, but as they spend time with him, Pidge’s theory cements in their minds and they treat him as they always did.

  But they have grown and changed.  Lance most of all.  Maybe.  Grief had mellowed Lance, something that Shiro wished he’d never had to experience.

  There are changes to Keith too, some physical, like the way he’s just so much more comfortable in his Marmora uniform (that he fills out really, really well), or the braid of silky hair that swings down between his shoulder blades.  It’s also in the more open nature of him, no longer so hesitant to show affection to his friends.  He’s become a wonderful man.

  Shiro fell in love with the spitfire, and now he loves the smoulder that is Keith.  He still has all that fire below the surface, but now it’s tempered.  He knows how to be gentle.  Knows when to listen to others, knows when to take charge.

  And he’s accepted Shiro back into his life after all the hurt the Clone caused.

  Keith was a little timid accepting Shiro’s grateful hugs at first, a touch stiff in his arms, but as the days wore on while Shiro was confined to his hospital room, Keith relaxed, smiling at him softly and in that way that had given Shiro hope that there was more between them than just friends.

  His musings were interrupted when Keith walked into the room with an Altean and an Olkari, smiling first at Keith, because…Keith.

  He turned to the other two after a long moment of drinking in the sight of Keith, even if he’d only seen him an hour or so ago.

  “Shiro,” the Olkari greeted him, placing her hand on her chest in a gesture of deference.  “I am Reya, a granddaughter of Reiner.”

  “It’s an honour to meet you, your Grandmother was a remarkable person,” Shiro said, reaching his hand out and clasping her forearm in the common universal greeting.

  “And I am Alfine,” the Altean steps forward, greeting Shiro in the same way.  “I have studied the mysteries of Oriande, and then…I was inducted into those mysteries and learned alchemy.  I believe Reya and I may be able to assist you.”

  “Really?”

  Shiro tried to keep the hope out of his voice, as much as he shoves down the fear that the Clone will take control again.

  Alfine nodded, “yes, I believe so.”

  Keith sat himself down beside Shiro, patting him on the shoulder and Shiro immediately felt more grounded, ok to hear what they have to say.

  “We have two options and the Black Paladin though it best if we discuss them with you.”

  Keith frowned, “just Keith.”

  “As you wish,”Alfine inclined her head.

  “Two options?  What are they,” Shiro asked, swivelling his gaze between the two in front of him, subtly leaning towards Keith’s warmth.  Keith leaned in, letting their shoulders touch.

  “The first is we excise the Clone’s consciousness from your body, leaving you as the sole occupant.”  Reya consulted a tablet, “the second is that we make the clone dormant.”

  Shiro frowned at that.  Neither option was particularly pleasant.

  Alfine held up her hand, “it… _he_  would be permanently tucked away, unable to surface.  You would still have his memories, however, including those you have lost when he was in control.  With the other option those memories would be lost.”

  “I…don’t remember that stuff now, though.”

  Alfine nodded, “yes, because you shoved him down so far he can’t link with you, with the second option he won’t be so deep, yet he will be there.”

  “Incidentally, do you happen to know what caused _you_ to surface again?”

  Shiro flushed, biting his lip and averting his gaze from Keith.

  Reya looked between the pair, eyes narrowed, “it was at your wedding, yes?”

  Shiro nodded weakly, staring at the floor, “yeah…it was like I…woke up there, and everything was…wrong.  Nothing made sense, it was like I’d been in a…fog…and then everything came into focus.”

  “Can you tell us how long you’d been experiencing this ‘fog’?” Alfine asked, glancing at Reya noting everything on the tablet.

  “I…I’m not sure, I have little glimpses, the last clear thing I remember I was with the Paladins and…Allura before she…”  He paused, “before that…I…I remember Keith with me in the Black Lion’s consciousness, while I was…dead.  There are other snippets, but…yeah, fog.”

  When he glanced at Keith out of the corner of his eye, his friend was staring at him with an inscrutable look on his face.  It’s intense, searching, the slightest hint of a frown creasing between his brows.

  It was a look Shiro can’t meet for more than a scant second or two.

  

 


	2. Chapter 2

  

  He asked for time.

  Time to think through what’s he’s going to do.  And deal with the guilt.  This was the Clone’s body first, and while it __had__ been dying which would have snuffed out the Clone’s consciousness, putting Shiro’s soul in and healing the body had allowed the Clone to live…in a fashion.

  He wished…

  He wished he knew what had been going through the Clone’s mind, what he’d been thinking, what his motivations were, what he wanted…

  He called Alfine and made his request.

  At first she was taken aback.

  “Why do you want to do this thing?”

  He tried to explain, “I need to know how he feels about things, why he pulled away from my friends, why he wanted to marry, I’m not sure…but I need to know before I make any decisions.”

  Alfine frowned, “I think we can do this, but it would be best if someone is with you, physically to ground you and help you come back.  They will not be present in your mind while you converse with your clone.”

  Shiro knew exactly who he wanted to help him and one look at Alfine said she knew who he wanted.

  So after several hours of preparation, Shiro found himself laying on a bed, Keith at his side, their fingers laced together.

  “Hey, I’ll be right here, ok?” Keith assured him as Alfine placed her hand to his brow.

  He nodded, keeping his eyes on Keith until the moment they are simply to heavy to keep open.

  He then found himself facing the Clone, a man with his build, his face, his eyes, but with only a shock of white in the front, rather than all his hair.  He found that a little comforting, that there _is_ a point of difference between them, even if it’s only here.

  He quickly discovered there was a great deal that was different about them.

  The Clone’s eyes narrowed, “what are you doing, what do you want?”

  “I am here to ask you that,” Shiro answered.  “Do you…do you have a name of your own?”

  The Clone blinked, “I…I am Kuron, I suppose.  I do not think of myself as ‘Shiro’.”

  Already Shiro is sizing him up, noting differences in them.  Kuron is…colder.  No, not colder, Kuron is like ice, there’s no warmth to him at all.  Something about him scares Shiro.  There’s something…blank about him that causes him to shiver and step back.

  “Why…why did you push my friends away?”  That had been bothering Shiro since Keith first told him.

  “Why would I maintain a semblance of friendship when I feel none?”  Kuron shrugged.  “When your…Keith severed the connection to Haggar, he severed any need to pretend.  I still had, have, your sense of duty, but…I do not _feel_ as you do.”  Another shrug, “it is difficult to quantify.”

  “But Curtis, why…”

  “He’s good in bed,” Kuron said airily, ignoring Shiro’s shock.  “He seemed to need a wedding for validation so I gave it to him.  Once I had had my fill of him. I would have moved on.”  He scowled at Shiro, “you interrupted that.”  A brief flash of images in Shiro’s mind tell him enough.  More than enough.  He’s horrified.  The fearful, teary, anguished and bruised face of Curtis is going to haunt his dreams and he already has enough to deal with in that respect.

  Shiro was kind of glad he did interrupt, actually he’s fucking ecstatic he did.  There’s something lacking in the Clone, something fundamental.  Empathy.  An ability to love and be loved.

  And that made Kuron dangerous.

  “I don’t think you were pretending before the connection to Honerva was cut off,” Shiro observed.  He saw things through Kuron’s eyes while he was in the void of Black.

  Kuron narrowed his eyes again, “not exactly, but you were simply too close.  Your feelings coloured my own, such as they were.”

  “Why did you continue to help save Earth then?  You could have just…”

  “Duty was an imperative function that was programmed into me,” Kuron cut him off.  “Haggar needed me to act a certain way.”  He tilted his head at Shiro, “it hurts you to hear all this.”

  It’s not a question so Shiro doesn’t answer.

  Swallowing down the bile in his throat, “so, could you kill someone I was close to, would it matter to you?”

  “Not particularly,” Kuron answered sending a chill down Shiro’s metaphorical spine.  “But you knew that before you asked, didn’t you?”

  “I needed to hear it from you.”

  “Why?”  There was suspicion in his tone, his eyes narrowed as he tilted his head.  “Why is this important, why do you need to know these things?”

  Shiro doesn’t want to tell him, “because I do.”  He’s feigning nonchalance, but it’s not working.  Kuron stepped towards him, metallic fist clenched.

  “Tell me!” he demands, voice gone dark and menacing.  “You would not be here unless it were important.”  Another step and he’s right in front of Shiro.  “What is happening out there?  What are you planning to do?”

  He was striking too close to home for Shiro.

   _Shiro!  Shiro, come back!_

Shiro gasped, shooting up off the bed, head on a swivel.  His chest was heaving with each harsh breath, sweat rolling down his spine.

  “Oh God,” Shiro whispered.  “That was…he was…”  He found Keith’s hand and tugged him forward, meeting Alfine’s concerned gaze.  “Excise him…he _can’t_ be allowed to surface again.  I don’t care about the memories, and some of them I think it’s better I don’t have.”

  Keith mumbled against Shiro neck, “are you ok, you sound rattled.”

  Shiro sucked in a deep breath, “he…he doesn’t _feel,_ Keith, he just…”  He counted his breaths to calm himself.  “I think…I think we might need to get Curtis some sort of counselling.  If he was…fuck…if that was his idea of a man worth marrying…I know Kuron was good at pretending, but he hadn’t been for a while, and he just didn’t __care__ , Keith.  I asked him if he’d be capable of killing someone I care about and he was so…blasé about it.  I wanted to be sick.  And Curtis has been…fuck.”

  “Hey, it’s alright, you’re in control, Shiro,” Keith soothed, rubbing his back.

  Shiro looked up at Alfine, “I think we need to do it soon, he was suspicious and started getting agitated, I’m not sure what he’ll do.  I don’t think it’s safe to let him…”

  “I will retrieve Reya and we will perform the procedure,” Alfine said, sweeping out of the room.

  “Oh my God, I am so sorry, Keith, I know you told me some of what he’s been doing and saying, but…fuck, it’s bad isn’t it?”

  “It wasn’t you, Shiro, it wasn’t you at the facility and it hasn’t been you hurting your friends.”

  “But you thought it was, Keith.”  He buried his face in Keith’s neck, “you’ve been thinking it was me and that I would…”

  A soft kiss landed in his hair, “Shiro, you’re here now and I know the truth.”

 

  He felt guilty about what he’d done to Kuron, the Clone.  Incredibly guilty.  It wasn’t made any easier knowing that Kuron would have done it to Shiro without a backward glance.

  Keith saw it, he could tell, but for now he had refrained from saying anything.  

  As for everyone else who wasn’t in the circle of people he trusted, Keith told them he had amnesia, which in a way was true.

  Alfine and Reya knew the truth of course, as did the Paladins, Iverson and Sam Holt.  And eventually Curtis was told.  Shiro felt he owned him that.  Awkward though it might be, would be, he felt he had to let Curtis know the truth.

  It was one of the hardest conversations he’d ever had in his life and Curtis looking at him so sadly broke his heart.  He didn’t feel anything but sympathy for the man who thought he was marrying Shiro.  But he maintained distance from Curtis, not wanting to give him hope for anything between them.  That didn’t mean Shiro felt any less burdened by what he’d seen, for what Curtis had been through.

  “I know it’s hard to understand, and I am so sorry,” Shiro said softly.

  “You’re so…you’re so different now,” Curtis whispered, twisting the ring on his finger.

  “That’s because I am different, I am the real Shiro, he was Kuron.”

  “Oh, right,” Curtis murmured, sounding small and frightened.

  “Curtis…I…I think you might want to talk to someone,” Shiro suggested tentatively.  “I...you deserved to be treated better…he didn’t give me many details, but I doubt he was pleasant all the time.”  Curtis snapped his head up, eyes wide, then stared resolutely at the floor.  “I hate to think this body treated you badly, abused you in some way.”

  “Tak…Shi…Captain Shirogane,” he stumbled over what to call Shiro, “please, from what you have told me, _he_  was in control and from what I see of you, you wouldn’t do that to anyone.”

  It was enough of a confirmation of what he saw so briefly that Shiro crumbled.  He wanted to apologise to Curtis, but it won’t help.  The person who did it didn’t care and would have continued hurting Curtis until he was bored.  Leaving destruction in his wake.

  Keith’s profile standing outside grounds Shiro and Curtis followed his gaze, the hint of a grimace on his face.  It made Shiro want to leave, but he and Curtis have an annulment to deal with.

  He was surprised when Curtis broaches the subject of Keith without any input from Shiro.

  “I was jealous of him, you know, at least at first.”  The words were timid, quiet.  “But then…Kuron ignored him.  I know he didn’t do it to make me feel better, but…”  He sighed and gave Shiro a sheepish look, “I thought it was weird, but when…Kuron started showing me attention,” he trailed off, shrugging.  

  “I think I understand,” Shiro mumbled.  He doesn’t, not exactly, but it seemed like the right thing to say and he really doesn’t want this to be any more awkward than it is already.

  Curtis snorted, signalling that he doesn’t believe Shiro for a second, but he then drew out the annulment paperwork and they get down to business.

  It takes a pathetically short time to dissolve a marriage.  But considering that Shiro had stumbled away from the altar before actually signing anything makes the process go faster.

  Keith was waiting for him when he left, hands jammed in the pockets of his jeans, shoulders hunched as he paced back and forth.  His head comes up when he heard the crunch of Shiro’s feet on the gravel driveway.

  “Hey, how did it go?”

  Shiro winced, “ok I guess.  Or as good as something like this goes.”

  “It’s not your fault, Shiro,” Keith said, head down.  Straight to the heart of the matter.  Keith just knows Shiro too well and he can’t hide from him.  “It’s a complicated situation, made worse by the fact you can’t _tell_ people the truth, or you can, but they aren’t gonna understand of believe it.”

  “Yeah,” Shiro agreed eventually as they slowly walk to the car Keith had driven them to Curtis’ in.  He took one last look at the house to see Curtis watching them leave.  The house had been in Shiro’s name, but he signed it over to Curtis who will sell it and move when his transfer comes through.  Shiro felt that giving him the house is the least he can do, allow Curtis to start fresh.  “I gave him the house.”

  Keith shrugs, “figured you might, I doubted you’d want it.”

  Shiro laughed weakly, “yeah, well, looking around and seeing photos of my body with someone I don’t really know was just a bit weird.”  He kicked a rock with his heavy boot, “keeping the house they lived in felt mean.  He's already been through enough.”

  Keith peered up at him through a fall of fringe, “where are you going to live?”

  “Ahh, I haven’t really thought about it.”

  Keith fell silent for a bit.  “Iverson would jump for joy if you went back, they haven’t got a proper captain for Atlas, not one that can transform her.  It might be good for you to have something to do.”

  “Is it going to be an issue me not remembering how to do it, or remembering anything from the last few years?”  Shiro leaned against the car, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

  “I think Atlas will help you, all she’s been saying has been _real Shiro_  since you came back, she sounds excited.”  Keith grinned at him, “she’s like huge, in my head she’s massive, so much bigger than the Lions were.  And she’s kind of like a big kid.”

  Shiro chuckled nervously, “I should probably meet her before anything else.”

  Keith laughed, “yeah, not a bad idea.  It’s late, there won’t be many people around and I’m sure Iverson would clear it, do you want to go now?”

  It takes Shiro about a second to decide.

  “Let’s go.”

 

  Keith is right.

  The IGF-Atlas as a presence in his mind is massive.

  And so very excited she almost overwhelmed him, but the moment she noticed, Atlas pulled back, just enough to ease the pressure.

  And she _adores_  Shiro, the real Shiro.  She knew something of him from Kuron but couldn’t make any one understand that her Captain was a clone of the man she truly wanted at her helm.  She’d accepted Kuron but hadn’t shown him all she could do.

  She will for her true Captain she assured him.

  She chattered away a mile a minute, filling him in on anything and everything, then paused.

   ** _Please, would you place your hand on the controls?_**

Shiro frowned at Keith, “she wants me to put my hands there,” he pointed to the console.

  Keith shrugged, “I was never on the bridge much, but that’s where Kuron stood and controlled her from.”

  Shiro doesn’t examine the comment about not being on the bridge for very long, that’s a conversation they need to have him private.

_**Yes, yes, on your own.** _

  Atlas’ agreement with his thought reminded him just how much he needed to reign in his thoughts of Keith.

   _ **Hiding thoughts not enough, I hear your heart beating for him.  It says Keith, Keith, Keith.**_

  Shiro flushed, biting his lip, ‘thinking’ at Atlas, telling her that Keith doesn’t know.

  He gets the distinct impression Atlas is amused by that.  

  To forestall any further comment from the ship he does as she requested.

  Keith gasps, eyes wide on Shiro, while Shiro himself blinked as he looked around.  He can feel Atlas, see her, understand her every moving part and her mind, see where she blends with him, sees what she can do.  Sees her devotion to him, Shiro, not Kuron.  That she has been waiting for Shiro to surface.

  She’s so happy she’s vibrating and Iverson skidded onto the bridge in panic, Sam Holt hot on his heels.

  Then Sam grinned, patting the nearest control panel, “got your Captain back.”

  Instead of the uniform Garrison orange that all the screens were previously, now they are all blue, the same blue that Shiro’s prosthetic glows with, and there’s a sense of shifting internally.

  Shiro cocked his head, concentrating, then laughs.

  “She just rearranged my quarters.”

  “Your quarters?  Does that mean…” Iverson asked.

  “Yeah, it does.”

  Iverson snapped to attention and salutes him, “welcome back, Captain Shirogane.”

  Keith sidled up beside Shiro, “back where you belong.”

  “She’s been a moody bitch,” Iverson commented, but it’s fond as he caresses his own station.  Atlas huffs, but it’s just as fond, calling Iverson her pirate.

  That makes Shiro snort and double over laughing.

  Until Atlas interrupted his thoughts.

  _ **Can we go get the Princess now?**_

 

  Atlas won’t elaborate on her comment about the Princess, but the only person she could possibly mean is Allura.  He gathered the Paladins, except Lance, fearing to worry him unnecessarily or get his hopes up.  His own hopes are another matter.

  “We don’t have the Lions, we can’t form Voltron, even with Lance.”

  “No, but we have Atlas, she…held back some things from Kuron, she says she was waiting for me,” Shiro told Pidge when she voiced her objections.  “I can operate a teleduv, at least she says I can, and she knows how to open a transreality gate if we need one.”

  “What the fuck?”  Pidge was struck speechless.  “I wish we’d known that before.”

  If Atlas could shrug, she would have.

_**Kuron may have done great damage had he been able to use me properly.  He had no notion of what I can do.  Shiro is my true Captain.** _

Pidge’s eyes went wide, “that’s Atlas, I heard her!

  Hunk blinked, “she’s…big.  Like in my mind, so big.”

  Keith patted the wall of Shiro’s office, “yeah, she’s been talking to me for a while, ever since Shiro came back, begging me to drag him here.”  He trailed his fingers over the door frame and Shiro bit his lip at the sense of feminine lash fluttering from Atlas.  She really liked Keith and his touch.  Shiro couldn’t blame her.

   _ **Shall I tell him that?**_

  Shiro coughed, glancing at the others in panic but no-one seems to have heard her.

_**I can direct who my thoughts go to.** _

  Keith was looking at him oddly, as were Hunk and Pidge.

  “Ahh, Atlas just told me she can decide who hears her.”

  “How far can she project her thoughts?” Pidge asked, leaning forward on her elbows.

_**How far do you wish me to think, little Paladin?  Shall I summon your brother?  Or perhaps Keith’s mother.  Or the orange one, the one who controls me sometimes, with the…fur on his face.** _

  Pidge cracked up at the description of Coran, but it was Keith that tilted his head.

  “You can reach Daizabaal from here, Atlas?”

_**I believe so, Keith.** _

That silenced everyone for a moment, broken only by Kosmo popping in to drool over everyone.

  Shiro hasn’t seen Kosmo, only through the Clone’s eyes when he first arrived aboard the Castle of Lions and the odd little glimpse after that.  Nothing for the time Kuron had been in full control.  Kosmo is _huge_.

  “He’s bigger than the Yupper, remember Pidge, the Yupper.”  He couldn’t keep the excitement out of his voice and Kosmo responded by leaning against him hard enough that Shiro has to lean back in order to stay upright.

  Pidge snorted, “yeah, kind of hard to forget that thing…and that’s where we met Slav.

  Shiro’s eye twitched.  He was so glad that Slav spent most of his time in Engineering with Sam.  Apparently Sam is one of the few people who can deal with Slav for more than a few minutes, in fact he says that he is more than capable of tuning out Slav’s ramblings when need be and has become adept at working out which forms of his paranoia to listen to.

  Pidge laughed at Shiro’s reaction and the collective groan from Hunk and Keith at the mention of the statistic loving alien with a anxiety complex, “he’s better these days, though he does have a thing about coloured socks, trust me, you don’t want to disagree with him about that, just do as he says and he lets it drop.”

  Kosmo nudged at Shiro’s hand, eagerly requesting a scratch behind his ear.  It’s a little unnerving staring straight into Kosmo’s eyes.  He has a feeling he could ride on Kosmo’s back with little trouble.  The idle thought of Keith riding on Kosmo’s back flitted in and out of his head, making him giggle.

  Kosmo tilted his head, then grasps Keith by the back of his shirt with his teeth and flips him over his head.

  From his position on Kosmo’s back, Keith looks startled and embarrassed, unwilling to meet anyone’s eyes, cheeks bright pink.

  Did Kosmo read his mind?

  It’s distracted him from thoughts of Slav, so that’s good.  The multi-armed alien has a knack for getting under Shiro’s skin, making him want to rant in ways he never ever does.  But he does feel for Keith, perched on Kosmo’s back, holding out his hand to help him down.

  A little glance between Hunk and Pidge goes unnoticed by the other two.

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note on Kuron and Curtis and their behaviour:  
> Treat Kuron in this a little like he was when Haggar had complete control and that scene particularly when he delivered Lotor to Zethrid and Ezor, he's functioning, but he has no real emotional response.  
> Curtis on the other hand is more difficult to explain, but he's been abused badly by Kuron, and while some might think he'd just up and leave, like a lot of abuse victims, they stay because they are afraid to leave and in some cases will defend that like Curtis is trying to do. Kuron said that Curtis wanted the validation of marriage but he himself didn't care about it, only as a means to keep his 'sex toy' around until he gets bored.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> take note of the new tags!

  

  “Shiro, c’mon, you need to stop, just rest for a minute.  You’re not going to catch up on everything in just a few days.”

  Shiro could hear the exasperation in Keith’s voice.  It made his stomach flip.  It made him wonder if there’s a chance, or if he’s just projecting his own feelings.  And it made him ache to pull Keith into his arms and kiss him senseless.  It was so like Keith to worry about him, be concerned that he’s pushing too hard, but not that he can’t handle something.  It has always been that he wants Shiro to just rest for a bit before he continues on.  He’s never been one to hold Shiro back.

  Shiro appreciated that.  Especially after Adam and the way he complained about Shiro never slowing down or stopping entirely.  It was why they broke up.  Adam wanted Shiro to be at home with him, live out the rest of his days with Adam, not take the risk and pursue his dream.

  “I’m ok, Keith.”

  “I know you are, but you still need to let things sink in.”

  Shiro contemplated that for a minute then sunk himself down into Keith’s couch cushions.  He patted the spot next to him, “if you’re going to make me sit still, then you can too.”

He got an epic eye roll for his efforts, but Keith still stomped over and practically flopped down next to him.  Kosmo ignored the pair of them, gnawing on a bone that Keith had dug up from somewhere for him.

  “Are you doing ok with everything?”

  It’s asked quietly, but Shiro heard the worry lacing Keith’s tone.

  “I think so,” he paused to glance at Keith.  “I mean, it might hit me hard later, but right now, I’m ok, mostly.”

  “Mostly?”  Keith latched on to that one word, twisting to look at Shiro better.

  “It’s been a lot to take in, and I really appreciate you being here to help me.  You’ve always done that for me, even when I don’t deserve it.”

  “Shiro…”  The tone has become chiding, as if Keith knew exactly what he’s thinking, which he possibly did.  And he loved that Keith feels comfortable enough to do that, call him out when he thinks something was bullshit.  Like he now finally considers them equals.

  Shiro had considered them equals for a long time, at least since Keith rescued him from those lizard things and Shiro had told him he wanted Keith to take over as leader of Voltron.  It was nice that Keith has caught up on that.  He liked the way that feels.  And he doesn’t want to disturb this peace they have with each other.  But he’s going to.  He needed for them to talk, he needed to find out if how he feels is one sided, or if Keith meant something different when he said those three words at the facility.

  Or did he mean the ones that preceded them more.

  “You could have turned away from me, and I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did.  Kuron did a pretty good job of destroying our…friendship.”

  Keith frowned at the pause, but Shiro ploughed on.

  “You could have vanished into space without a backwards glance, but you were there, even at my wedding, even though I’d been treating you like shit.”  He scrubbed his hand over his face, “when we spoke in the void, there was so much I wanted to say…and I kind of remember when Allura put me in here,” he said, waving his hand up and down his body, the one he now occupies and controls.  “I thought I’d get the chance to really talk to you.  And for a few days, I think I had some control, I remember being in the pod, dreaming…mostly things about you,” he confessed with a shy smile.

  “I was hoping you’d come to me, I didn’t want to push you, you had heaps to deal with, but…then you decided to ride with Pidge…and I…”

  “Kuron, fucking up my life again,” Shiro huffed.  Sometimes he just can’t get over how much he has lost because of the Clone, because of Honerva and her meddling.

  Keith placed his hand on Shiro’s shoulder, “he can’t do it any more.  Alfine and Reya say he’s gone completely.”

  “Yeah, I know, but…can’t help feeling a bit…nervous about that.”  Keith’s hand was warm and distracting on his shoulder, grounding and somehow made him feel like he could float to the ceiling.  It was that swoopy feeling in his stomach that he got whenever Keith looked at him like he is right now, the purple hue of his eyes so soft that Shiro wants to melt into a Shiro shaped puddle at his feet.  He sucked in a deep breath, reaching up, fingers shaking, to stroke at the scar on Keith’s cheek.

  It’s testament to how far Keith has come that he doesn’t flinch at the contact, merely tilting his head in query.  But then, he’s always allowed Shiro’s touch.

  That makes him brave.

  “I would give anything for this body to have not done that to you.”  He stroked the scar gently with his thumb, his hand cupping Keith’s jaw.  “I wish he’d never said those awful things to you.”

  “Shiro,” Keith whispered, lashes sweeping down to hide his eyes.

  “Did you mean what you said?  Keith, did you?”

  There’s fear in Keith’s expression when he looked up, worrying at his lip, “I…which part?”

  Shiro dragged his eyes back up from Keith’s lips, fascinated by the darkening of his eyes as he watched Shiro carefully.

  “I’m not your brother, Keith, I can’t be that…not with how I feel about you, but I can be your friend, your best friend, if that’s what you want.”

  Keith searched his gaze, seeking answers to things he won’t voice.

  “I don’t need a brother, I’ve got that in Lance and Hunk, a sister in Pidge, a weird uncle in Coran…you…you were always something different to me.”

  “Really?”  The hope in Shiro’s voice is pathetic, he knew that, but he was so fucking eager he was almost bouncing on the couch.  He was acting like a puppy presented with a new toy, he can’t help it and he knew he looked ridiculous and dopey, but…oh God, the look on Keith’s face made any shred of embarrassment fly out the window.  His eyes darted down to Keith’s lips again, parted this time, the tip of his tongue slipping over them.

  And he whined.

He was not sure who moved first, maybe they both just gravitated to each other, but Keith was in his lap, their lips melded together and Shiro got to experience the fire that is kissing Keith.  He had Keith’s face cradled in his hands, fingers tangled in the mess of a braid, tongue flicking into his mouth and Shiro is in heaven.

Bliss.  This is what bliss feels like.

  

Days turned to weeks.  Weeks turned to months.

Shiro was getting used to being…corporeal again, being in control of the body Allura had put him in, getting used to the fact he could kiss Keith whenever he wanted, hold his hand, curl his arm around his shoulder and he didn’t give a flying fuck who saw it.

Iverson attempted to press protocol on him, but Shiro had given him the metaphorical middle finger when he told him that ‘no’ he wasn’t going to abide by some antiquated rule about showing affection in public.  No-one else bothered.  As far as they were concerned the reinstated Captain of the Atlas and the Former Black Paladin and Elder of the Blades could do whatever they damned well pleased.

Shiro took full advantage of that.

Much to Atlas’ intense amusement.

Shiro tried to use that goodwill to get Atlas to elaborate on her comment about ‘the Princess’.  As yet, each attempt was a failure and it was a joint collaboration to keep the information from Lance to spare him the disappointment of unfounded hope.

So Shiro spent his time reacquainting himself with what had happened in detail, and learning what it was like to be in a relationship with Keith.

He found that Keith had a subtle nurturing side, more than he’d ever displayed before if you didn’t count saving Shiro’s ass more times than he could count or hope to repay.  And the best part of it was, the way Keith cared had no bearing on Shiro’s state of health or mind, he just gave a damn about the man Shiro was and wanted to show it in any way he could.

It led to cups of coffee when he knew Shiro needed to continue working, a back rub when he ached after sitting staring at report after report, washing his hair when his shoulder twinged from the new prosthetic, sending Kosmo to pop him out of reach of someone who really didn’t need to waylay him.  It was hoverbike rides in the desert, sitting watching the stars, just being together.

But best of all was being dragged into a closet in the middle of the day just to be kissed senseless for several minutes.  Keith would yank him by his collar, shove him into the cramped space, press against him and let his tongue wander into Shiro’s mouth.  Then Keith would step back with a smirk a mile fucking wide and leave Shiro panting, half hard and generally late for whatever meeting he’d been on the way to.

He never once complained about that.

And he wasn’t complaining about the fact they hadn’t gone any further than a lot of heated kisses and more than a little in the way of wandering hands.  Shiro was enjoying the anticipation of it rather than jumping into bed with Keith.  It might have been a while (he is __not__  counting the clone and Curtis - he refuses to even __think__  about that) but he’s no virgin, he’ll be fine, he’s got this.

Apparently what he _ _has__  got is the ability to delude himself.

Because he was definitely not fine the first time they find themselves semi naked, together, in Shiro’s bed.  Shiro was as panicked as he’s ever been, worrying at his lip, running his hand up and down the shorter hairs at the back of his head, mind whirling with a hundred different thoughts.

All the what ifs.

What if he doesn’t like the scars?  What if they turn him off?  What if Shiro hurts him accidentally?  What if his prosthetic goes haywire?  What if he can’t control that __other__  part of his anatomy and he comes too soon?  What if he doesn’t prepare Keith enough and he hurts him __that__  way?  What if Keith never wants to top…not that it’s a huge issue really…but…

Keith pulled him out of his swirling thoughts, grabbing his face, “hey, you ok?”  He frowned, “you’ve gone all pale.  Shiro, we don’t have to do this…”

“No,” Shiro almost shouts.  He winced.  “Sorry, I’m just a bit nervous.”

Keith snorted, dispelling the tension.  “A __bit__  nervous?  Shiro, you look like you’re going to faint.”

Shiro ducked his head, rubbing a hand over a scar on his chest, Keith’s eyes honed in on the motion.  “I…ahhh…I want this to be perfect and I’m definitely __not__  that.  I mean, I…”

“Shiro…Takashi,” Keith murmured.  “Look at me, please.”

Shiro lifted his head, meeting Keith’s eyes, adoring, immediately calmed.  “Sorry.”

Keith smiled softly, shaking his head, “you know, you’re perfect to me as you are.  I love you.”

“I love you too,” Shiro breathed out.  He grimaced, “I’m over thinking things.  I’m worried my arm will hurt you, then I worry that I won’t…um…get you ready enough and it’ll be bad.”  He blushed, biting his lip, “and…I don’t know if you just want me to top or…”

Keith snickered, “baby, please, stop worrying, your arm will be fine.  I’ll tell you when I’m ready and if I’m not we can slow things down until I am.”  He pressed a kiss to the scar on Shiro’s nose, “and I really think I will want to try all sorts of things with you.”

  That comment totally got Shiro’s attention and Keith noticed his shift in focus straight away, a small smirk appearing on his lips.  Shiro bit his lip again (at this rate he was going to have bruised lips __before__  he even kissed Keith).

  “You liked the sound of that,” Keith teased.

  “Yeah,” Shiro answered, more than a little embarrassed by how needy and dazed he sounded.    

  “And, baby, a little bad sex isn’t gonna change how I feel about you, it might take us a bit to get used to each other, what we like.”

  Shiro barked out a laugh, “I guess, it’s just been a while and this means a lot, __you__  mean a lot to me.”

  Keith pushed at Shiro so he was laying down, then clambered up and straddled his thighs, smiling down at him.  Shiro thought he looked like a king on his throne.  Regal, beautiful, and sexy as hell.  When Keith dipped down and captured his lips, Shiro gave in to the sensations, groaning at the feel of Keith hard against him, rocking his hips gently.

  Keith pulled back, lips kiss slick, “how long has it been since someone took care of you?”

  Shiro blinked, still dazed from the kiss, “I…uh…I don’t know.”  He frowned as he thought about it.  “Since before Adam…”  He swallowed around the desert his throat had become.  “He liked to play pillow princess so…”  He trailed off at the hint of amusement in Keith’s eyes.

  “Have you been with __anyone__  since him?” Keith asked.

  Shiro grimaced, “umm…no…not knowingly...”

  Keith stroked his face, pressing a sweet tender kiss to his mouth, “Curtis doesn’t count, Takashi, that wasn’t you.”  Keith bent down again, letting his lips ghost over the shell of Shiro’s ear, “as much as I want you to split me open with this monster,” he whispered, grinding his hips down.  “I think it’s about time you laid back and let me take care of you, let me make you feel good.”

  Shiro moaned, his thighs parting involuntarily at the thought.  “Please…”

  Keith grinned, wicked and knowing, “you like that idea, huh?”  

  Shiro whined as Keith traced his fingers over a hip bone, snapping the band of his underwear teasingly close to where Shiro wanted his hand.  “Keith,” his voice rasped.

  Keith’s lips flirted with his ear again, breath warm against his skin, “do you want me to finger you open for my cock, Takashi?”

  Shiro wasn’t sure what was doing it for him more, the sound of Keith’s voice lowered in desire, or the fucking words themselves.  Either way, he was getting desperate, hooking his flesh hand around Keith’s braid and tugging him down for another kiss, filthy and messy.

  By the time they parted again, both were panting.

  “I’ll take that as a yes, shall I?”

  “Keith!” Shiro attempted to reprimand, but it fell somewhere in the vicinity of pathetically desperate.  Keith chuckled but took pity on him, easing his underwear down his thighs and then off with a flick of his wrist that left Shiro completely naked and vulnerable to Keith’s hungry gaze.

  “God, look at you!” Keith hissed, running his hands over Shiro’s side, down his hips to his thighs, leaving fiery little trails in his wake.  “What do you want, Takashi?  Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

  Shiro blinked, cheeks hot as he tried to gather the required brain cells together to answer, or even think, particularly as Keith continued stroking his hands over his skin, over the inside of his thighs.

  “I…fuck,” he hissed eventually when Keith’s fingers almost ghosted over his balls, so close he could feel the warmth of them.

  “Tell me,” Keith murmured, lips trailing over Shiro’s jaw.

  “I…I…Your tongue…mouth…please,” he stuttered spreading his thighs and lifting his ass in blatant invitation.

  Keith pulled back, purple eyes lighting up, licking over his lips, “oh hell yes.”

  Keith shuffled between Shiro’s parted thighs, smoothing over the skin with a reverent glide, humming as he moved higher.  Shiro moaned softly, eyes rolling back in his head as Keith touched him __there__  for the first time without clothing in the way.  The way his fingers explored, fondling his balls, gliding up over the underside of his straining cock, around the flushed head, then back down under his balls to his perineum.  Shiro couldn’t hold back the visceral groan that tore from him, throwing a hand above his head to grip at the sheets, eyes fluttering shut as he rolled his hips and ground against Keith’s fingers, begging for more, more, __more.__

  He let out a yelp of the high pitched variety as Keith parted his ass cheeks and dove in with his tongue.  He flushed crimson, he hadn’t heard his voice that high since before puberty.  Keith snickered against his ass, sending wonderful vibrations through him which forced another set of embarrassing noises out of him.  Keith lapped at his rim, fingers digging into the meat of his ass to keep him open, flicking his tongue, teasing the tip of it, then using the flat of it to swipe right up to his perineum.  Shiro’s flesh hand cupped the back of Keith’s head, his back arching, breaths coming in little pants as Keith ate him out.

  It had been so, so long since anyone had done this to him and it was fucking amazing, little tingles shooting up and down his veins, his whole body trembling.  It was so much better than playing with himself on those furtive nights while Adam slept and then later in the Castle when he’d been too keyed up to sleep.  And Keith kept doing that awesome flicking thing with his tongue…

  In fact, it might be just a little too good, the intense pleasure of it rolling through him, tightening in his gut.

  “K…Keith, Baby…I…shit…”

  Keith pulled away from his ass with a last kittenish lick, “mmm?”

  Shiro sighed in relief as the desire to come abated a little.  “I…uh…I don’t want to come yet and that was feeling way too good.”

  Keith raised a brow at him, little self satisfied smirk on his face, “what?  Don’t think you can come more than once, Old Timer?”

  Oh shit.

  Shiro thudded his head back, “fuck.”

  “All in good time, Baby,” Keith whispered, shuffling to settle at Shiro’s side.  He pressed a kiss to Shiro’s neck which really wasn’t helping his situation.  Every nerve ending felt so…sensitive.  Keith’s voice in his ear sent shivers down his spine, “where’s your lube?”

  Shiro gathered his brain cells together, “uh…oh right, lube, yeah, we need that…there,” he muttered, pointing to the little hidden drawer under the bed.  Keith rolled his eyes at him, grabbing the half empty bottle that Shiro had stashed away.

  “God, you’re just so fucking cute like this,” Keith chuckled darkly.

  “Huh?”

  Keith snickered, burying his face in Shiro’s neck again, “you’re all like…sex dumb and pliant and like putty in my hands.”  He squeezed Shiro’s thigh, “it’s adorable.”

  Shiro whined, turning his face into the pillows to hide, “Keith!”

  “What?  I love it, I never would have guessed you’d be like this.”  Keith removed his hand and Shiro’s heart rate kicked up at the sound of lube being squeezed out, then the squelch of it over Keith’s fingers.

  The capacity to speak was completely lost as Keith proceeded to open him up, sliding one finger in slowly to get him used to the intrusion, then the gradual addition of another two once Shiro had settled.  And thank fuck Keith avoided his prostate or Shiro would have been done for.  It seemed that despite his earlier threat Keith was content to simply work him open.

  Shiro laid back, moaning quietly as Keith, tucked into his side, hand working between Shiro’s thighs as he kissed Shiro’s jaw, neck, shoulder, murmuring praise all the while.

  “Mmmm, ready,” Shiro mumbled, hips grinding down on Keith’s fingers.

  Keith licked a stripe up Shiro’s neck as he withdrew his fingers, “how do you want it, Babe?”

  Shiro clenched around nothing, missing Keith’s fingers immediately, a moment before the question registered.  “Wanna see you.”

  The minute Keith positioned himself and slid in slowly, Shiro wrapped his legs around that slim waist and slowly devolved into a puddle on the bed.  He was babbling who knows what as Keith took him apart, prosthetic hand curled in the sheet beside his head, flesh hand scrabbling at Keith’s back as he canted his pelvis, meeting Keith’s slow thrusts.  His own cock hadn’t been touched since Keith had lightly run his hand over it, and now it was throbbing on his stomach, drooling a mess all over the place.  At this rate, it wouldn’t require any additional attention.

  Slow, sensual, utterly adoring, Keith breathed the same air as they moved together, Shiro arching his back when ever the head of Keith’s cock glanced over his prostate, mewling.  Their eyes met and all Shiro could do was drag him forward to capture his mouth, too overcome for words.  Keith seemed to understand, smoothing a hand over a thigh, keeping his pace measured with the occasional grind that left Shiro gasping every time.

  “You’re so beautiful, Takashi,” Keith whispered in his ear.  “So tight around my cock.  Does it feel good Baby?”

  Shiro keened, tightening his thighs around Keith’s waist, his ass fluttering and clenching around the length inside him, “so good, so fucking good,” he wailed, fingernails leaving blushing lines as they raked down the planes of Keith’s back.

  The cadence of Keith’s thrusts began to change, increase, sending Shiro into the stratosphere, his blood pounding in his veins, the pulse of his heart echoing in the throb of his cock as it bounced with each push of Keith’s hips.  The slide inside him, the friction, the relentless pounding into his prostate had him teetering on the edge.

  “Keith, Keith…”

  His warning wasn’t needed.  Keith knew, Keith could feel the way his ass was strangling his cock.  The sound of the slap of flesh increased in pitch, the creak of protest from the bed beneath them as the force and strength of each thrust began to hitch Shiro up the bed.  He planted his metal hand on the wall behind the bed, holding himself in place, head tipped back, lips parted, eyes closed as he gave in and let Keith have his way.

  It didn’t take long, the hot splash of his own come decorating his stomach, his ass convulsing around Keith as his vision blanked, blood roaring in his ears, arched and tensed as Keith thrust once, twice, thrice and then the glorious feel of him pulsing deep inside.

  Shiro practically became one with the bed, panting harshly, goofy smile on his face while Keith slumped over him, their chests rising in time.  He didn’t give a shit about the mess, the only thing he cared about was having Keith close.

  

  Shiro laid with Keith, arms and legs tangled around each other, breathing in time.  Shiro hummed happily, nuzzling into Keith’s neck, licking over the bite mark he’d left on the join between neck and shoulder, Keith huffing a laugh.

  He felt so fucking happy he could burst.

  He had giggled and laughed more in the last few weeks than he had in years, probably since before Kerberos and all the fallout from that announcement.  And not one single nightmare.  He felt at peace.  He knew his PTSD was most likely just eased for the moment, those sorts of things don’t really vanish overnight, but it felt so nice to know he could close his eyes at night and most likely not wake up in a sweat, heart racing.  Or even if he did have one, Keith was there to make sure he was alright.  That, and they both managed to wear each other out to the point of passing the fuck out most nights which seemed to hold the nightmares at bay.

  Keith wriggled beside him, stroking a hand over Shiro’s chest idly.

  “Takashi, can I ask you something?”

  Shiro shifted so he could see Keith’s face, “yeah, of course, anything.”

  “You’ve been asked a few times about what brought __you__  back, but you haven’t said.  I can see you think you know, but…”

  “Ahh,” Shiro muttered.  He ducked his head against Keith’s shoulder.  “The wedding…I think it was more than I could…it was something I felt so wrong about that it pushed me to the surface.  When I saw Curtis there, all I could think was that he was the wrong man, that…that it should have been you.”  He glanced up to see Keith wide eyed.  “Curtis told me that…Kuron had been distracted before the wedding and I think it was probably me trying to break through, and he was pushing me back down.”

  “It should have been me?”  Keith gaped at him, “really?”

  “Well, yeah,” Shiro mumbled, cheeks pinking.  “I found myself standing there wondering what the fuck was happening and why it wasn’t __you__.  Freaked me out…as you saw.”

  “You thought about marrying me…even before…”

  Shiro shifted onto his side, cupping Keith’s face, “even before I knew how you felt, even before I…died, I was thinking about it.”  He grimaced, “I felt so guilty for wanting you so bad, but I couldn’t help it.  You were invading my dreams pretty continuously.”

  Keith’s eyes went dark, “oh, was I now?”  He traced a finger down Shiro’s chest.  “What sort of dreams?”

  Shiro laughed softly, “how about I show you.”  Flesh hand sneaking down to squeeze at Keith’s bare ass, other hand tangling in his wild hair as it spilled onto the pillow, he grinned down at the enthusiastic response.


End file.
